Presenting to you the tales in which the Volturi are nothing more than a bunch of misbehaving...jerks!

Disclaimer: The Volturi are the property of Stephenie Meyer; I'm just messing with them.

Sometimes, when you're the only female traveling amongst males, your life becomes one big fart joke! A series of goofball family vacation drabbles written for DICATAKADD for her second FGB piece. Intended as silly fluff.

When Private Eye Edward Cullen decides to investigate the "accidental death" of an old friend, he finds more people are involved then he originally theorized as the case takes twists & turns he never saw coming after Bella Swan arrives in town. AH, BxE

Edward Cullen ~ Dick for Hire
Offering Professional Private Investigative Services
Including but not limited to
Lost items * Crime Investigation * Missing People
Cheating Spouses and Stalkers negotiable

AH/OOC. Edward and Bella have been best friends all their lives and after officially becoming a couple there is only one thing standing in their way. Sex. Life can never be easy for the pair and nothing goes as planned. Between their own inexperience and their friends interferring, it's going to be one hell of a calamitous ride.

Lovers and haters of Twilight unite! We are presenting to you a unique, all-in-one spoof of the Twilight Saga. A boring, rather klutzy girl named Becca Raven has spent her entire life looking for love in all the wrong books. After she breaks up with her latest boyfriend, Harry Podder (because he decided to marry the stupid Mary-Sue "Ugly Betty"-like brat Ninny Pleasley), Becca decides that it's time to leave her mother Wanda, her new husband Cliff, and her home in Presclott, Arizora and move to Snorks, Washingtorn to live with her dad, Julius.

But Snorks isn't what she expected, not after she meets a strange boy named Edmund Dullen. But Edmund isn't like most boys; for starters, he doesn't eat ANYTHING in the school cafeteria. He saves Becca from being crushed by a giant rolling glue stick. To top it all off, Edmund uses more body glitter than the average 11-year-old girl!

And yes, he's a vampire.

Edmund and Becca fall in love immediately despite Becca's desire to never date again. They must face all sorts of obstacles, such as jealous classmates, ex-boyfriends, other vampires, and even Edmund's entire vampire family! But not to worry, for true love conquers all, even if you've been searching the world for love and you don't even know that it's in front of you all along!

Be forewarned, for once you start reading this story, you can't stop until the story's done!

Disclaimer: The following stories are based on the works of Stephenie Meyer. I, Claire Violet Thorpe, like the Twilight books and the movies that were made from the books. Also, these stories are my fan fiction writings, and are written only for my own personal enjoyment and for all fans of, but the characters, things, situations, and places are solely the property of Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any part of it!