‘Hurt me!’ she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over the workbench. ‘Very well,’ I replied, ‘You’ve got fat ankles and no dress sense.’
Colin Grey’s life was happy and simple until the day everything changed – the day his wife read THAT book. Suddenly, he was thrust head-first into a dark, illicit world of pleasure and pain. This is the story of one man’s struggle against a tide of tempestuous, erotic desire and of the greatest love of all: the love between a man and his shed. WARNING: This book contains graphic shed-based images. Please don’t look if you are easily offended.
In all honesty I wasn’t sure what to expect when I started reading this book, and not being a fan of the original series of books I had a degree of trepidation.
But it was completely unfounded and I freely admit I was wrong. I was almost immediately drawn into Colin’s life and his shed history as I sat behind my not-so-vast desk, in my not-so-vast room.
I mean, seriously, how can you not love something with the following line…
“My heart raced to see her lush, overgrown lawn – such a rare and wondrous sight. Nowadays the tendency is for just a small strip or nothing at all.”
Starting as a young man, Colin was enlisted by Lady Christina to help with her gardening and soon entered into the world of the shed and all the fun to be had inside one (and the odd failure of course).
Lady Christina eyed my dripping brush. Somehow I knew it wouldn’t be long before I’d be touching up her gazebo.
His life was forever changed as his ‘rhubarb’ stood up to the task at hand with Lady Christina, and as his confidence grew, Colin took his first proper step into the world and purchased his own shed. With a contract drawn up it would be all his in twelve monthly instalments. With his red room of paint, there was no looking back.
She stood before me, trembling and naked in my shed. ‘I’m yours for the night,’ she gasped, ‘You can do whatever you want with me.’ So I took her to ‘Nandos’.
Sixteen virgins later, Colin meets his soul-mate and wife, Brenda. He instantly knew she was the one when she didn’t run screaming after seeing his shed for the first time. They were married three weeks later.
‘Harder!’ she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. ‘Harder!’
‘Alright,’ I said. ‘What’s the gross national product of Nicaragua?’
Things take a turn when Brenda reads a certain book and Colin realises things will have to change if he’s to have his wife and his shed both in his life.
Ever since she read THAT book, I’ve had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles. She still manages to get into the shed though.
This book is proof that you don’t need explicit writing as long as the reader has a dirty mind. It’s chock full of innuendo and hilarity with one-liners that will have you chuckling into your kindle on your commute to work. It would certainly make a change from a flushed expression from reading a similar title (Thank God for Kindles and no visible book covers, eh?!)
As I stared out at the army of creatures standing to attention on the lawn, I realised I’d mixed up the slug pellets and the Viagra.
Please tell me I’m not the only one to get a very inappropriate visual of the singing slugs from ‘Flushed Away’ upon reading that line?
I’m not going to give away the ending, but I will just end with telling you to all go out and grab yourself a copy of this book. It’s funny, light-hearted, innuendo heavy and a total piss-take, but thoroughly entertaining and you can’t help feeling sorry for poor Colin.
Title: Fifty Sheds of Grey
Author: C.T Grey
Pub Date: 27 September 2012
Have you read it too? If so, let us know what you think by leaving a comment.